Coming Out – A Letter To Friends & Family

Due to social acceptability, and fear of losing out, I suppressed feelings. You see, I’ve always known, but it wasn’t until I started dating Kelley, my wife, that I was able to open up to her and show her who I really am. Understandably so, she’s the person who sees the real me the most. The other people who see the real me, I don’t get to interact with that often as we’re pretty distant geographically speaking. I’d love to say that this group includes my family and neighbors, but it doesn’t – sorry mom. 

Social pressures even caused me to throw hate against those who are like me. I remember my first semester at Virginia Intermont College, I vividly remember sitting in the “cafe” with some teammates and our coach and vocally I was throwing hate towards the people I was too scared to publicly join and accept that I too am like them. 

It really is a shame that social, religious, and family pressures can prevent people from being who they really are in front of the people they dearly love. Ask yourself, would the people I hold in the highest regard still be there if they knew the real me? How would they respond if you introduced them to the real you? Truth is many of us say we love our family unconditionally, but our actions are louder. I know for a fact, that this post will lose some of those people, and that’s fine. I don’ need ya. If you do throw hate and shade at me, you need to really look in the mirror and get off your high school level and grow up. 

So many people are taught to hate those of different opinions, backgrounds, cultures, religious affiliations, sexual orientations, sports and political affiliations, and more. Hatred is taught at a very young age. Albeit in most cases, unintentionally. It’s what we’re taught. It’s disgusting, but that’s the reality. I don’t think less of someone for having a different viewpoint than myself, and I don’t understand why anyone should. One of the greatest gifts that my dad has given me is the ability to put myself in another person’s shoes – to see their point of view, background, and why things transpired the way they did or why they have a different opinion on things. 

I use that gift quite frequently. That’s why I can’t identify as one political party, because I can see and understand several different points of views on a number of topics. Something we all need to be able to do. Sadly, most of us are too narrow minded to even consider listening to others. 

Around my friends and family, I seemingly come across as an open book, but not many of you have even seen that side of me, or my wife. I pride myself on being an open book, yet I’ve not truly been on the outside for most of my life. Something, I would like to put an end to. 

I’ve also thought to myself, “Does the world really need to know?” Truth is, no. You all really could probably care less, and that’s fine. But I wouldn’t really be my true self if I kept hiding behind social norms and social acceptability. Truth is, we’re in the minority, and not widely accepted by today’s norms. But that’s thankfully changing with progressive movements. I’m not saying that one progressive movement is more important than any other, but true equality is something that everyone should have as a basic human right. 

Everyone has “bones in their closet”. Whether it’s a kink that you’re into, a career change you’d like to make, a new hobby you want to take up, or a different type of lifestyle you want to live – we all have “bones in our closet”. I do have “bones in my closet”, but luckily, my wife still hangs her clothes there. She fully accepts me for who I am, something I am extremely grateful for and lucky to have. 

As we progress in our lives, we’re constantly learning who we are. They say “the older we get, the wiser we become” and I think that is especially true for myself. I’ve been really in tune with who I am as a person and with my emotions for several years now and I can identify reasons for feelings relatively quickly. 

I’m 27 years old, so I have a pretty good grasp on who I am, even though I’m constantly learning more and more each day. I fully accept who I am, and I’m proud to say that I am the male half of a bisexual ethically non-monogamous married couple. Although I’m identifying as “bisexual” I often wonder if I’m more pansexual. 

I would also like to apologise to everyone who I threw hate at because I was too scared and narrow minded to accept who I truly am. It’s extremely immature and disgusting that anyone, including myself, would hate on someone. No excuses, it’s disgusting.